


Still That Girl

by deadlydecember1214



Series: Riarkle: A Study in Black Holes and Supernovas [3]
Category: Boy Meets World, Girl Meets World
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationship, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Choose Your Own Ending, Depression, F/M, Friendship, Heartbreak, It still Hurts, Kind of a songfic, Loss, Partying, Requested, Riarkle, Underage Drinking, Underage Partying, Unhealthy Relationships, britt nicole, controlling relationship, didn't mean for it to be, gmw, prompt, relationships, still that girl, whateves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-28 06:52:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10826049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadlydecember1214/pseuds/deadlydecember1214
Summary: Riley messed up. Big time, and this time, even Farkle can’t quite bring himself to forgive her. He won’t stand by and watch the girl he loves burn herself away, so after graduation, he decides to leave New York to protect his own heart. Riley, not realizing quite how much she felt for the boy, is devastated. She falls even further, dating Charlie, who has become someone no one would even want to know, and cutting herself off from those who love her most.Charlie is controlling and Riley knows it’s wrong but he’s about all she has left so she can’t just walk away, right? So her family and friends watch as she continuously gives into her boyfriend’s demands and take note of how she never smiles anymore. Well, Maya Hart has had enough. She needs Riley Matthews back and she knows just the boy for the job… But is Riley even still that girl anymore? Can she ever be her again?





	Still That Girl

**Author's Note:**

> Again, a lot in the prompt so I just worked off of that instead of writing it all.

_I’m holding a picture from seven years back._

_I’m smiling as the memory, it’s smiling right back at me_

_And I see brown hair and bright eyes…_

_A heart full of laughter with nothing to lose,_

**_That’s how I remember you…_ **

 

* * *

It had been a long time since Riley had stood in her own bedroom.

Months, maybe? She’d lost track of time, honestly, and had stopped caring even before that.

Dust had collected on the desk against the wall where she’d always done her homework. The bed was made with the same bedspread she’d straighten every morning before leaving for school for four years. The curtains of the bay window were drawn, casting the whole room into a darkness that didn't quite fit all of the memories she had there. 

If she closed her eyes and strained her ears, maybe she could even trick herself into believing it was a year ago. Maybe she could go back, for just a moment, and do things differently. Maybe she could be something different, someone different.

But Riley didn’t close her eyes.

She didn’t play pretend, not anymore.

Running her nervous hands down the thighs of her jeans, she took another step into the old bedroom. The empty space where her friendship ring had been for so long still felt naked and sensitive from being uncovered. A flash of something hot and angry blossomed in her chest before stomping itself out. 

_Charlie didn’t like the ring._ Riley didn’t wear the ring. 

That was how it was now.

Tucking a long lock of straightened brown hair — _Charlie didn’t like her natural curls —_ behind her ear, Riley ran a finger over one of the photos on her bedside table. The dust collected on the pad of her skin and she took a second to clean the glass with the pillow case closest to her. 

It was an old photograph. Freshman year.

Her friends were all in a line, grins on all of their faces and arms wrapped around each other. Zay and Maya were laughing together, leaning on each other as if their knees were about to give out. Lucas was on Maya’s other side, chuckling at the pair. On the farthest right, Smackle was bent over with a rare smile on her pretty face, looking down the line. Her hand was linked with Farkle’s.

Farkle, who was holding Smackle’s hand but wrapped up in the girl at his other side, as always. A younger, softer, kinder Riley Matthews. A girl with bright eyes and a glowing smiling who had a boy with adoring eyes pressing his smiling lips to her temple.

Damn, she really had been blind back then, not to notice.

Maybe if she’d noticed things would have been different.

Setting the photo back down, she sighed and moved back towards the door. 

She didn’t even know why’d she’d come back home. _If Charlie knew, he wouldn’t be happy_. She’d just felt drawn the old bay window and soft sheets of her childhood. 

It’s been so long since she’d felt anything, she’d decided to follow the instinct. Why not, right?

Riley still had the key to the apartment on her ring. She knew her parents would be at work, Auggie at school. They’d never even know she’d come back. No harm done… no more harm, anyway.

Riley could live with that. She was finding over time that she could live with a lot.

Stepping out of the bedroom, Riley closed the door softly behind her. Her back pressed against the wood, something strong and heavy grounding her feet to the boards under her worn sneakers. 

Looking down the hallway, she knew she should be moving. _Charlie would be home soon, at her new, real home. If she was gone when that happened…_

Besides, her family wouldn’t want her here anymore anyways. Not after everything she’d done and definitely not when she’d been the one to push them away.

Still…

She didn’t want to leave.

A floorboard creaked and her head shot back up, heart jumping to her throat. Breath catching in her throat, she stared wide-eyed at the person now standing at the end of the hall. It felt like forever, it felt like a fraction of a second, but finally, she found her voice.

“What are you doing here?”

“I was going to ask you the same thing,” Farkle answered, stepping closer to her with his hands tucked into his pockets.

“I liv- I used to live here. Last I checked, you didn’t even live in this state anymore, let alone have a key to my family’s apartment.” Riley retorted, one hand still tightly gripping the doorknob of her childhood bedroom.

Something deep and desperate in her soul did not want Farkle to see the her of now side-by-side with the her in that photograph on the bedside table. She didn’t want to see his face with he compared the lifelessness of her once curly hair or when he realized there was no twinkle in her eye now. 

Riley might not feel much these days, but she still didn’t want to risk it.

Farkle licked his lips, glancing to the side. Riley took note that he still hadn’t looked her in the eyes. Maybe he couldn’t? Like her, maybe he was too afraid of what he’d find. What he wouldn’t find.

“Maya called me.”

Maya had had his number? For how long? Not that it mattered to Riley because it didn’t. 

_It couldn’t…_

But still Maya wouldn’t have kept that from her, would she have?

Farkle cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable, “She said you weren’t doing too well.”

“I’m fine.” A programmed response, the response everyone expected. The one they all _really_ wanted, right?

“Are you?” He pressed, his voice filled with a genuine concern that rocked Riley to her core. 

Because, out of everyone she’d hurt and tossed aside, _he_ was the one who should hate her the most. He should want her to suffer, he knew how much she deserved it. Yet, there _he_ was, really just asking if _she_ was okay.

Riley snorted, “Thank you for the concern, Farkle, really. It’s undeserved, but thanks.”

The young man sighed and ran a hand down his face, “Riley, if this is about what happened-“

“Of course it’s not about-“

“-I forgive you. It’s in the past.”

Riley stopped, looking up into his eyes and noticing he had been slowly approaching her the whole time. Now, their gazes met, all electric blue and chocolate brown.

He… forgave her?

But… how?

How could he forgive her when she couldn’t even forgive herself?

Suddenly, sickeningly, Riley was swept back to that night, over a year ago, when she’d burned him and their friendship to the ground with a smile on her face and a giggle on her lips.

 

* * *

_  
Then your life took a turn,_

_And you fell,_

**_And it hurt…_ **

* * *

_Long Island Iced Tea was all Riley Matthews would drink for the rest of her life, she swore to God. They tasted like sugar, liquor, and something delightfully sinful and she was hooked._

_Laughing at the lights dancing across the ceiling, Riley moved to the music pounding through the room. She didn’t even care that some random guy was trying to grab her ass. That was high school, right? Being a teenager? Having fun?_

_She never had fun anymore._

_Always Daddy’s Girl, Maya’s Good Influence, Lucas’ Perfect Princess, Farkle’s Sunshine._

_Well, not tonight._

_That Riley was gone for now and the one who’d taken her place was feeling a little drunk and a little dangerous and a lot more fun than ever before. A tongue that burned her lips pushed its way into her mouth and she let herself think it was because of raw chemistry and not because the dude had just taken his sixth shot. Damn, it felt good to not care._

_“Riley! Come on, let’s just go!”_

_Farkle’s voice called over the music and just barely touched her brain. She knew she should push the random guy away and listen to her friend but that definitely didn’t sound as fun as staying right where she was._

_“Get off her, man!” Suddenly the boy who’d been pushing her into the wall was gone and Farkle was grasping her wrist, pulling her away._

_Her buzz, her precious buzz, was wearing with each step and anger flared in her chest as she yanked her arm back, “What the hell, Farkle?”_

_“Oh, come on, Riley! That guy doesn’t even know your name, let alone care about you!” Farkle threw his hands up._

_“He doesn’t have to! That’s the point! I don’t want him to care!” Riley argued, stumbling a little as she tried to turn back towards the party._

_Farkle stepped in front of her, eyebrows were drawn, “You don’t want to be with someone who cares?”_

_“I don’t want to be with someone I’m always having to spare.” She snapped, glaring._

_Farkle rolled his eyes, “That’s a little self-centered.”_

_“You say that like you’re not who I’m talking about.” She whipped back, her words hitting him like a physical blow. Farkle went pale and seemed to stop breathing._

_“Wh-what are you-? I don’t-“_

_“Everyone knows, Farkle!” Riley rolled her eyes, pushing at his shoulder. “Everyone tells me that I should just tell you it’s never gonna happen. Stop leading you on. Well, here goes.”_

_She rested a hand on each of his shoulders and narrowed her eyes on his wide-eyed, shocked ones. He was looking at her like someone might look at a loaded gun with the power to kill. Maybe she was that lethal._

_Leveling their gazes, Riley slurred, “It’s never going to happen, Farkle. I’m never going to be the girl for you, mmkay? So let’s both just move on, hmm?”_

_Farkle’s lips pursed and his gaze dropped to the ground. Maybe she was so drunk she was seeing things, but it kind of looked like his eyes were watering…_

_He nodded frantically, wordlessly._

_“So you’re gonna leave it alone now?” She asked, quirking an eyebrow. “You’ll leave me alone?”_

_He nodded more and swallowed, looking somewhere over her shoulder. Huh, his eyes were watering. “Yeah, I’m- I’m sorry. I didn’t know you-“_

_“Knew? Yeah, well, I do.” She dropped her hands from his shoulders, clapping them together drunkenly. “Now, I’m going back to the party. You- you should just go home.”_

_Again with the mindless, numb nodding._

_Oh well, who cared? Not her, not tonight._

_Riley skipped back off to her random waiting boy and left Farkle behind._

* * *

_But your story’s not over,_

_It’s still being told,_

**_Your sunrise is coming…_ **

* * *

Everything had changed after that night.

Farkle couldn’t even look at her. Maya was the angriest with her she’d ever been for hurting their shared best friend. Lucas had even told her that he ‘expected more from her’.

Well, that was the problem, wasn’t it? So many damn expectations.

_Charlie hadn’t expected anything, though._

Things were so easy with Charlie at the start when everyone else had stopped talking to her. He didn’t give a shit about what she did. She didn’t learn until later that he didn’t really give a shit about any of her, but at that time it had been attractive.

He was a warm body, a non-judgmental face.

After graduation, when Farkle packed his bags and ran off to Princeton, when Maya flew to Rhode Island, and Lucas to vet school in Texas, Charlie stayed right there. He wasn't much and what he was wasn’t good, but he was something.

And she was weak so she thought something might just be better than nothing.

Coming back to the hallway, now a year older, Riley looked back at her bedroom door, “You shouldn’t.”

“You’re probably right.” Farkle nodded. “But I love you. I have since the first grade and I always will. You’re Riley Matthews.”

“No, I’m not.” She shook her head, echoing his own movements from that night so long ago, “That girl is gone. I can’t be her anymore.”

“Why not? Riley, you're the one who always believed she could be anything, the princess of her middle school class, the first woman on Mars.” Slowly, hesitantly, Farkle reached out and brushed the skin of her arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps. “I miss that girl.”

She watched the goosebumps rise and once again acknowledged the inevitability of her body’s reaction to Farkle Minkus. Odd how even after so long apart her cells still responded to his with such natural ease. She barely even noticed when Charlie touched her but Farkle set her aflame.

Maybe she'd been wrong — _of course, she was wrong._ Maybe she’d been in love with him back on the night of that party. Maybe she still was. Too afraid then, too afraid now… For everything that had changed, that hadn’t.

“I miss her, too.”

Her vision blurred and she felt a joint of surprise when a tear rolled down her cheek as she blinked. It’s been so long since she'd felt enough to cry. Honestly, she’d begun to believe she was now just too numb to produce the tears.

“So, work your way back. Riley, you’re still that girl, the one who could change the world. Maybe you’re a little off course right now but that doesn’t mean you can never find your way back.” He said, gently.

Riley closed her eyes, relishing the words she’d imagined him saying a million times. She wanted to believe it, wanted to trust that newborn flicker in her chest, fall into his reassurance and certainty. 

But it was too late for her. Too late for him. For them.

So, when Riley opened her eyes, she forced herself to step back. The distance was for the best, for his own protection. Everything she touched, she broke. 

She’d already left him battered and bruised once. 

She wouldn’t do it again.

Without another word, she slowly shook her head and pushed past him. Escaping the apartment, she made her way back across town to Charlie and their shithole studio with no bay window. Again, she left Farkle behind.

But that was really for the best, wasn’t it?

* * *

**_  
But you’re_ ** **_still that girl._ **

_\- Still That Girl, Britt Nicole_

 

**Author's Note:**

> I purposely left this prompt open-ended... you get to choose your own adventure here, I guess. Maybe Riley comes back? Maybe Farkle chases her? Maybe things end happy? Or maybe they don’t... you get to choose.
> 
> Also update: More one-shots/updates are coming!!!
> 
> My current coming-soon list is as follows:  
> -The Electronic Configuration of Hate and Love (Part 3): I know, guys! I know you want a part 3! It’s coming, I swear some of it is even already written! I’m just thinking through some things about what plans I have for EC in the future... How much do you guys really love it? Would you really read and support a full-length fic? 
> 
> -Summer Plans (A Riarkle Future Snapshot): Riley and Farkle announcing their engagement to their families
> 
> -There’s a Farkle Under Your Bed (A Riarkle Future Snapshot): Farkle and Riley have been keeping their newfound relationship under wraps... until Cory finds Farkle under Riley’s bed that is
> 
> -Fighting With The Freaking Sun! (A Riarkle Future Snapshot): Even people who are perfect for each other fight and fighting with Riley Matthews is a little like fighting the sun
> 
> -The Lucky Ones (A Riarkle Socialite AU): Farkle Minkus, the young and newly appointed Head of Minkus International, has just married middle-class, all-American Riley Matthews and she’s quite a packaged deal... Can Riley play her new role of perfect, wealthy housewife?
> 
> I am still taking prompts but don’t be surprised if it takes me awhile to fulfill them. I am obviously still working, but I also have a IRL life, lolz. I love you guys and your support and feel free to message me with any concerns/questions/and obviously prompts. Every message means the world.


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